Every time I write something about you, I’ve always wondered what you’d think and feel if you knew.

Last night, I was on the verge of sending you my blog’s URL without telling you that it’s mine. Would you realize it was made solely for you?

Would you recognize the small talks we shared? There’s a chance, yes, but I bet, you won’t remember it the way I did. Every moments we shared together, just the two of us or with a couple of others, I have it memorized so I could replay it on my mind over and over again. That’s not enough, though. I have to write it here and tagged your name because I am hoping I can show it to you someday.

This blog.

Pure. Feelings. Love.

2014年 01月 5日 (日)
It was around 4AM of that day when I got awakened by a text message from Yuu-kun. Looks like someone's having troubled falling asleep, too. 

At first, since I can't bring myself back to sleep again, I decided to reply back to him. I just intended to talk about whatever things that would randomly come out... Then, out-of-the-blue, I suddenly thought of finally telling him about my feelings. Not everything though, maybe just the truth that I like him so much.. And then it came off...

"Gustong gusto kita, gusto ko lang din sabihin.." 

I am aware that those words still aren't enough to contain all the feelings that I have for him, but still I am wishing that those can somehow manage to make their way into his heart. I hope that they had somehow reached him. 

"Ha? Anong gusto? Crush ganun?.. "

I wanted to hit him so badly at that kind of response that he gave. Of course, this feeling is something so much more... I want to tell him that I am seriously in love with him.. I seriously love him all too much. Too much that I just can't get him out of my mind. Too much that I always want to see him, talk to him, be with him, hear from him.. know everything that he's doing... And that I got so much jealous in every girl that he would talked about, and that I am so much afraid of losing him, of being away from him... But I just can't use those words, right? Even just the word LOVE--- It's frightening, it might scares him away... and that was the last thing I ever wanted to happen.

Since lately he'd been talking about his future plans.. He has a lot of choices. Though they were different, all of those would mean one thing--- him, leaving the Jimusho. 

I know we won't be able to stay there forever.. that time will come when everybody else will have to go. Though it was something that I knew from the beginning, it is still something that I just don't want to accept. And I don't want him to go, not this time, not just yet... 

Despite of that, I am aware that I am in no position of stopping him. This is just so painful but if he will have to go then, if it was something that he should be, if there is somewhere that he must go... Then.. :/

No comments:

Post a Comment