Mixed.

I want to continue...

staying near him.

cheering him up when he feels down.

listening to some tiny bits of his life, his stories, his happy thoughts and even his random rants..

looking at his calm face, to his rare smile, his im-not-telling-you-anything blunt expression.

listening to his surprisingly soothing voice, his at-times-know-it-all tone.

feeling his warmth.

laughing at his awesome out-of-the-world ideas.

exchanging silly jokes.

silently admiring him from this distance.

But although all these things and him make me feel glad and hopefully-special, they bring unbearable pain and weigh to my chest as I stay longer and closer all the same.

At what position do I really stand in his life? Still, I'm feeling lost just by thinking all these stuffs.

"I'm ok with just loving him, I just want to be with him." 
was something that I had said a couple of time, but it was a darn thing.

Of course, I will never be contented with such. No one 's gonna put up with that! It was too naive and stupid... If you love someone that much, your heart wants its feeling to be reciprocated... for it to be able to continue beating... for it not to be drown with all those pain... for it not to wither and die..

Right?