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Every time I write something about you, I’ve always wondered what you’d think and feel if you knew.

Last night, I was on the verge of sending you my blog’s URL without telling you that it’s mine. Would you realize it was made solely for you?

Would you recognize the small talks we shared? There’s a chance, yes, but I bet, you won’t remember it the way I did. Every moments we shared together, just the two of us or with a couple of others, I have it memorized so I could replay it on my mind over and over again. That’s not enough, though. I have to write it here and tagged your name because I am hoping I can show it to you someday.

This blog.


I’m pretty good at saying good and kind words to almost everyone who ask me for advises, words and stuffs… Though I know for myself that I am only just good at saying such, but I can’t even do something for myself.

         Right now, I’m getting anxious over many things.. and I know exactly what to do.. to talk to him and discuss the things between us. But I’m not sure why, why I refuse to take any action for now. When he’s just there nearby.. when I can get to text him for most of the days, when I can talk to him freely and randomly about everything, except for my personal thoughts and feelings for him…

         I always got tempted to write a letter to him, telling him everything, even though I know that he already know about it… But aside from not knowing how exactly will I tell him, I’m afraid that putting everything that had happened into words will only make things more complicated, I guess.

         Maybe that’s the reason why until now, even he won’t say anything about those things…It’s the most convenient thing to do. We would just have to keep those complications within us. We would just have to suffer within. Clearing things might only make things more cloudy and vague. And I might not be able to stay this close to him. I might not be able to talk to him this much again. Things might be able to start changing again… And for that, I’m always afraid.

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