Can't I do anything by myself?
--Amano Yukiteru, Mirai Nikki ep 5
Mirai Nikki episode 1 Quotes
I'm always a bystander. Sure, other kids used to ask me to play in elementary school. But this is who I became after always turning them down. With all the spare time I had, I made a hobby of writing a diary. It was easy just being a bystander who recorded what he saw.
Hey say Jump- Star Time kanji + romaji Lyrics with translation
Hey Say Jump
Single 01: Ultra Music Power, track 02
Single 01: Ultra Music Power, track 02
Released date: August 1, 2007
Star Time
Door to Red Cross
It felt like I am about to start another experience as I enter the hall of Red Cross La Union Office that morning, September 1, 2013. At the same time, I was feeling a bit anxious when I saw the faces of the other participants of the activity. It seems like all the other participants already are acquainted with other.. as they happily greet each other. There I was ,then, staring at the floor, not saying anything... feeling more and more restless as time went on. I was already there, but I kept on thinking, what if I didn't choose to accept Odie's invitation two days before... What are the things that I might be missing? And since that I was already there.. What are the new things that awaits me? Will the people I'll be meeting in that hall bring some changes to my life? I'll never know if I won't continue with this path that I had chose to take.. But I'm sure that my Red Cross Experience is gonna be worthwhile.
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| [photo credit to ate venus :DD] |
本末転倒: Change of Residence, Start of New Life..
I'm no longer staying at our house--- the house my mother and father had built when they decided to start a family. My mother and father get separated when I was still in my first grade in elementary. My mother died a year after. Then my father married another woman he had brought home. They had a son and two daughters. My younger sister and I are living with them in this house.
For eight years, this house had been a venue to most of my life's turning points. It witnessed me growing up... from my elementary, high school and college years... when I had my review for my board exam until I passed and had my oath for my chosen profession. It houses all the good and bad memories in my life--- the beautiful and happy times, and also the sad and painful ones. I love this house that had comforted me for all these years. As much as I want to continue protecting this place, for now, I guess, I have to move out...
It is something that I had decided already. I can no longer stay in here, it's too painful to live with the family I once believed into... I really love and care for them but I also had emotional needs that I can never get from them. Acceptance, understanding, appreciation, protection, support, genuine affection... I longed for those...
Receiving a lot of harsh and hurtful remarks, getting yourself in many petty arguments, misunderstandings, fighting for my sides and opinions, shouting like hell... I am already used with that kind of everyday scenes. I can live that kind of life, but I'm getting so tired already. I want to end such life because it was something that I don't deserve... I know that.
I'm being selfish, I'm only thinking of myself again. But I don't care..
Among all the things that I have now, the one that I want to protect most is my own self.
I wanted to protect myself who had been suffering for so long.. emotional trauma.. and lots..
I wanted to love myself who had been loving and caring others for too long.
I wanted to continue living for myself.
If I won't be able to protect myself now, I won't be able to protect all the people and things that I always love.
From here I want to go to the places where I am accepted, where I can take care of myself, where I can help the people around me, where I can pursue my goals, where I can build my future, where I can genuinely laugh and cry, where I can create new memories of loving and hoping.
I want to find a venue of my new life. Like this, if one had end, there will always be another beginning.
Sore dake.
Mirai Nikki episode 2 quote
Isn't it comical?
I always kept my distance as a bystander.
Now that I think of it, I was just afraid of getting hurt.
I was actually lonely inside.
I wanted to play with my friends too.
I wanted to answer questions and impress my teachers.
There was a girl I liked, too.
But... I was just afraid.
Afraid of getting involved and getting hurt.
Fine with being a bystander ... is a lie.